Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Blame Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz



Photo by Nikita Kashner under Creative Commons Licence


"There was much rejoicing for London suburb resident one Christmas Day when Santa Christmas left the corpse of one Pauline Fowler beneath Albert Square's Christmas tree."

Christmas trees - pointless, aren't they?

According to that big, fat, bastion of knowledge - Wikipedia - we probably have King George III's wife Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz to thank for the custom of putting bits of pointy hedge in our living rooms.

A 13-year-old Queen Victoria was most amused with the Royal family custom, which later became widely copied in 1832.

Another website credits the Christmas tree for defeating Hessian mercenaries 232 years ago in Trenton, New Jersey, America.

When the battle-hardened mercs caught sight of everyone's favourite have-a-go-fir during Christmas Eve, 1776, they became so home struck they abandoned their guard posts to eat, drink and be merry.

Then General George Washington rode in and slaughtered the lot of them.

Veering off slightly, a Manchester-based tabloid broke the "news" that science boffins had invented a meat tree.

This miracle of modern science bore grapefruit-looking pods that contained fresh beef - the answer to vegetarianism.

Shame it was all fibs.

And while veering off sharply towards lunacy, a plastic life size-replica of McDonald's cheery mascot, smiling clown Ronald McDonald, had to be cut from a noose hung from a tree in Billings, Montana.

Police were seen hauling the victim away from the scene, with Burger King Rules scrawled on to the hapless clown.

Of course, there was much rejoicing for local residents of one London suburb on Christmas Day two years ago when Santa Christmas left the corpse of one Pauline Fowler beneath a Christmas Tree in the middle of Albert Square.

Next: Santa Fraud

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