Photo by kleer001 via Creative Commons Licence"Where was the Cheeky Vimto, when I was retching down a bottle of red 20/20 before wobbling into a Christmas disco in my Reebok Pumps?"
Christmas is a time for spirits. Great, big, snifter glasses full of spirits.
If you don't get drunk at Christmas, then you're a robot.
And what better way to get festively smashed out of your skull than a bottle of Hennessy's limited edition cognac - a real bargain at £105,000.
But if that's too pricey, then settle for just a glass. A £5,000 glass.
Come on, people. If we don't fork out, then we may as well let the credit crunch roll over us.
But be quick, there are only 100 bottles in existence.
If spirit is not your thing, then what about a cocktail?
A £35,000 per glass cocktail.
The Flawless debuted last Christmas. You can, of course, make them at home.
All you need is: A large measure of Louis XII cognac (£963), half a bottle of Cristal Rose Champagne (£449.40), brown sugar (£1), angostura bitters (128.40), and 24-carat edible gold leaf (an eye-watering £2.95).
And a 11-carat white diamond ring to put at the bottom of the glass (Just imagine 11 of these).
If you're having problems finding those on www.comparethemarket.com then put away the mojitos and follow the HCC recipe for the Flawed:
All you need is: A double of port and a bottle of blue WKD.
Mix the two and it becomes a Cheeky Vimto, totally indistinguishable from its namesake but makes you fall down.
And don't forget to place at the bottom a Haribo sweet ring. Classy. Watch those bubbles flow!
Where was the Cheeky Vimto all those years ago, when I was retching down a bottle of red 20/20 behind a skip before wobbling into a Christmas disco in my blue Ben Sherman shirt and Reebok Pump basketball boots?
Next: Blame Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz
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